I was driving down South Road yesterday at about 11:00 am in the morning (my hospital shift would start at midday). The day was cloudy, when all of a sudden, the sun broke through the clouds- it was a golden bonanza all around; a feast for the eyes and for the heart. I went into a side street, parked the car, got out, and inhaled deeply to let the beauty seep into me... This is life, this is beauty, this is the honeymoon I always dreamed of- the honeymoon that has lasted the past 34 years... I just prayed to God to let it be everlasting!
A lot of thoughts flashed through my mind then. The excitement about my new travel coffee mug (in which I am going to put my morning milk and sip it on the way to work), and my new folder (in which I have arranged my “beautiful” notes so systematically)... The fact that I am supremely happy... The fact that I love my life so well, that I wouldn’t change a single bit for a million dollars...
When a friend said “you usually look back at crossroads in life and regret your decisions”, generalizing the statement, I felt so glad because I had never had the occasion to look back till now! I decided to marry my husband within a fraction of a second when I saw his worried face in the middle of a busy road- that decision changed my life, and each moment since has been golden... I decided to go to JIPMER, and later, Delhi, on the spur of the moment, and spent lovely times in both these places... There are some things about my life that others think were unfair to me- but I am glad all that happened to me-I have taken what I liked all my life, made my own decisions, and I wouldn’t change a single thing if I could- each bad thing has had its own purpose!
I know this wonderful phase of my life is not permanent, because duty calls elsewhere. I belong to a poor country with millions of needy patients who can’t afford to pay for their medications- even if I anaesthetize a single patient a month for free, I would contribute a bit. The women in my country are downtrodden and ill-treated- I would like to do something for them as well. And there are our parents- getting older every day... I just need a small house with two rooms in which we three will live happily- it will be hard work, but then, it will be worth it, if my Gooby grows up into a girl with a beautiful mind- if she is studious, and good-natured, and GOOD. And I’ll practice beautiful anaesthesia, give some nice nerve blocks, do some paediatric and difficult cases, and my patients will wake up beautifully after surgery. And Soumya- he’ll be the same darling he always has been, unchanged, fiddling around with computers and cells and tablets and games... growing old yet staying young in mind... never a mean thought, never a bad word for anyone... getting scolded everyday for being disorganised, yet never getting angry... And then, someday, our Gooby would be grown up enough to leave her shelter and fly away from her nest- she’ll find her calling, eventually she’ll find her soulmate too... and life will continue, and we shall grow old together... and someday, when I die, I’ll have wrinkles on my face and my hair shall be gray, yet my face shall look radiant and my lips would have a smile, as my thoughts all my life would have been pure and happy...
This is the way I want my life to be, and this is the life I prayed for when I got out of my car yesterday and looked up at the sun shining through the clouds...and I saw God smile down on my upturned face, or maybe it was my imagination... But I did feel the warm sun shining on me as I got back into my car and drove to work- and that was real, and that was enough to make me smile.
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