Feel good, Didivai

 The person I talk to the most is my sister. I was really psyched to know that she is feeling worthless and wondering what she can do to feel "useful" in life. This blog is a daily thought to make her feel good- it could be an incident, a thought, anything- it could concern her, or anything in my daily life. This is something she can check every day- to feel good.

Dear Didivai

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I remember the time when you made me two beautiful dolls from covers of Morton chocolates - I was so happy. It is one of my happy memories.

You are the kindest soul I know- you have taken care of Mashima, Meshomoshay, Kaka and Baba when they needed it, when they couldn't take care of themselves, till they died. You have done so without any feeling of sacrifice, of distress- your love has not reduced when you had to toil hard for Baba in his last days. Show me some more people who have such a golden heart. My ultimate goal in life is to have a heart like yours.

A lonely birthday

I had my 39th birthday today. Nobody wished me in the whole day, nobody even made a coffee for me, nobody even told my kids- my kids did not wish me. People did wish me though- old friends from school and college who somehow still remember- and some people who knew my birthday through facebook, and who wish everyone who has a birthday. My parents and sister and niece and my husband's sister wished me.

That didn't stop me from feeling lonely and unloved though, and growing more and more despondent as the day flew by. Nothing special happened- I didn't tell anybody at work, so it was just the same as the usual day. I am just a year older, with hair that is grey at the roots because I had the vanity to dye it a few times, but have not got any time to do it the past 3 months... I have started having muscular pains already... I have caries in my teeth... and fat in my hips... and I haven't done anything for my family to deserve to be fussed over me in any way, for my kids to make me a card or sing me a birthday song... for my husband to apologise once for having to go away today, send a single message or to try to make up in any way with a card or midnight cake or morning coffee- anything at all.

I don't know much- I am a normal person who just likes being made to feel special one day in her life. But as the psychologist said, look at the positive aspect of things- well there is definitely the fact that it will not be my birthday anymore in 3 hours, so once I finish crying and fall asleep, there is no need for anybody to wish me ever again - simply because it is not my birthday any more!