I had my 39th birthday today. Nobody wished me in the whole day, nobody even made a coffee for me, nobody even told my kids- my kids did not wish me. People did wish me though- old friends from school and college who somehow still remember- and some people who knew my birthday through facebook, and who wish everyone who has a birthday. My parents and sister and niece and my husband's sister wished me.
That didn't stop me from feeling lonely and unloved though, and growing more and more despondent as the day flew by. Nothing special happened- I didn't tell anybody at work, so it was just the same as the usual day. I am just a year older, with hair that is grey at the roots because I had the vanity to dye it a few times, but have not got any time to do it the past 3 months... I have started having muscular pains already... I have caries in my teeth... and fat in my hips... and I haven't done anything for my family to deserve to be fussed over me in any way, for my kids to make me a card or sing me a birthday song... for my husband to apologise once for having to go away today, send a single message or to try to make up in any way with a card or midnight cake or morning coffee- anything at all.
I don't know much- I am a normal person who just likes being made to feel special one day in her life. But as the psychologist said, look at the positive aspect of things- well there is definitely the fact that it will not be my birthday anymore in 3 hours, so once I finish crying and fall asleep, there is no need for anybody to wish me ever again - simply because it is not my birthday any more!
That didn't stop me from feeling lonely and unloved though, and growing more and more despondent as the day flew by. Nothing special happened- I didn't tell anybody at work, so it was just the same as the usual day. I am just a year older, with hair that is grey at the roots because I had the vanity to dye it a few times, but have not got any time to do it the past 3 months... I have started having muscular pains already... I have caries in my teeth... and fat in my hips... and I haven't done anything for my family to deserve to be fussed over me in any way, for my kids to make me a card or sing me a birthday song... for my husband to apologise once for having to go away today, send a single message or to try to make up in any way with a card or midnight cake or morning coffee- anything at all.
I don't know much- I am a normal person who just likes being made to feel special one day in her life. But as the psychologist said, look at the positive aspect of things- well there is definitely the fact that it will not be my birthday anymore in 3 hours, so once I finish crying and fall asleep, there is no need for anybody to wish me ever again - simply because it is not my birthday any more!
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