Sunset

"Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"- thus wrote a great poet, immortalizing the statement forever in the heart of mankind. I often ask myself how far this is true…

For instance, is there any soul alive who can stay untouched by the beauty of sunset? An everyday phenomenon- ordinary, and yet so extraordinary in its magnificence…Clouds in hues ranging from the deepest of magentas to the lightest of mauves, with varying shades of yellow, orange, red and blue forming a multicoloured panorama, infinitely lovelier than the most beautiful painting created with a brush held in human hands…Golden sunrays fanning out from behind dark clouds, creating a golden halo around them and lending a charm to the sky that leaves one in no doubt that if heaven exists on earth, it is here…The sun, changing his colour every moment from golden yellow to orange to brick red, reluctantly trudging across the sky towards the horizon, as if unwilling to relinquish his hold on his sweetheart the earth, unwilling to leave her in the embrace of the dark, starry, mysterious night…Then, suddenly, in a moment of truth accepting his destiny and rushing down the last few steps, his last passionate kiss lingering after his departure, the earth and the skies blushing scarlet at his remembrance…

The sun never doubts that he will be reunited with his soulmate next dawn, as he knows that love is eternal, that the cycle of separation and reunion might go on forever, but no power in the universe can keep his true love away from him forever…Please do not ask me how and why I believe all this, please do not preach to me the laws of Physics that give a rational explanation to all these changes of colour, and to the sudden drop of the sun across the horizon…Please let me look at this pair of beautiful lovers dreamily every evening, let my eyes mist over with unshed tears, my heart grow full…Please leave me alone with my stupid, foolish ideas and imaginings- with my beloved fairies and giants, castles and santa clauses, princes and princesses…

Often, I see people turning their back on this vast splendour of nature and burying themselves in movies or books…I mourn for these poor souls, and then suddenly, the truth of the statement "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" dawns on me…I thank the lord almighty for blessing me with eyes that are able to appreciate all the beauty, truth and love in this world…

HAPPINESS

The sun sets in the distant horizon

Green leaves sway in the wind,

Children play in the park,

My baby smiles up at me...

Life seems too good to be true

I pinch myself to check it's real-

I smile even through my tears,

I can't express how full I feel!

I go to pray in the temple

But can't find anything more to ask...

I just bow and ask for knowledge,

For learning and dedication to work.

Life is uncertain, I am ambitious

There is a lot left to achieve

But I am supremely happy

Because in myself I do believe...

There is love all around me

Most of all, in my baby's eyes

I am taking a mental snapshot

Of this moment, to remember always!

Who is a woman?

One of the earliest things I learnt in my life was the fact that there are a few things I believe in, and equality is one of them... I have seen a lot of protest against inequality in my country- inequality between members of castes, religions, regions etc... But somehow, it all seems minor when I look at the biggest glaring inequality- the one between the sexes...the worst part being, it is all taken for granted...
A well-educated woman doesn't feel the least ashamed to tell me- "I cannot do..... because I am just a girl..." She doesn't sink into the earth with shame while saying it, as I do, hearing it! What does the statement "I am 'just' a girl" mean? Is it an excuse not to have a will of your own, not to stand up for yourself, not to think? Does the fact that you are a "girl" relieve you from accepting responsibilities as an individual?- are you always going to be someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's wife, someone's mother? When are you going to be relieved of the "care/of" in your address, when are you going to stand up on your own two feet, when are you going to say- "I am Sita", instead of "I am Sita, Ram's wife"?
They say they are in love- how can a person without a backbone love? They say they are "sacrificing" for their husbands, children etc etc etc- anything to prevent taking responsibility... They sit at home leaving their careers, deluding themselves that they are "sacrificing"- a long word which lends legitimacy to a complete lack of ambition... What is sacrifice? I do not understand it- I have only seen the word misused by spineless characters to make their betters feel indebted to them...
I am proud to be a girl... I intend to be "Kajari" before I am anyone's daughter, anyone's wife, anyone's mother... I intend to fulfil all these roles but my first role, my first duty shall always be to the almighty "I"... my role in this world is to do some useful work that I love to do so that at the end of my life, I can look back and be happy, thinking about the good things I have done and experienced, rather than what I have "sacrificed for others". May God grant me this much. Amen.

The beginning...

This is the first time I am attempting to blog... I used to write a diary in my school days, but have not attempted anything to express myself since a long time. I guess it is time to just let go and write, write, write...
When I was young, I used to visualize myself as a scientist with a microscope in the highest floor of a skyscraper, discovering the unknown- I dreamt of working day and night without food and water, in a quest for knowledge, always thirsty for more. When slightly older, there also grew a parallel dream, of a small child, learning her first alphabets, her first grammar, her first mathematics, at my knee- I would teach her to sing, to paint, to talk to the fairies in the clouds and to hear the whisper of the wind... Sometime, a desire grew of being loved and cherished by a soulmate whom I would admire and cherish equally...
I am a doctor, an anaesthetist- I presume I am good at my job. I cannot sing any more- vocal cord nodules have seen to that. Lack of practice has made me forget the fine skill of painting. An anaesthesia machine has replaced the microscope of my dreams, my dream of a child remains unchanged, and I dare to think that I have finally found my soulmate, in the real meaning of the word.
My question today is, how to cope with joblessness? I have yet to get a job in Australia- and it is 148 days since I last touched a patient. every day is an agony, and neither the beauty of the surroundings nor the love of a husband can erase it. I love my work, o God, I love it, more than anything else... Please grant me patience!